Difficult Conversations

Last week when I was in the bookstore of the law school where I work, (buying a Diet Dr. Pepper; don't judge me for my addictions), I noticed the featured book by the cash register: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.  At first I was just going to pass it by, but then I decided to read a little bit of the description on the back, which in addition to work stresses, mentions the challenges of parenting.  So, Harvard Negotiation Project, you're going to help me deal with my toddler?  Sold!

I wish I could go on to tell you how amazing the book is, but truth be told, I have yet to crack it open.  I'm very hopeful, though. 

Despite not yet reading the book, the fact still exists that I'm thinking a lot these days about how to handle difficult situations, mostly of the 2 foot variety.  As I mentioned last week, it's been challenging to shift from the baby paradigm to the toddler paradigm.  You basically spend 12 or so months doing everything you can to meet every need of your child immediately, and then suddenly as they start to walk and talk, you (and everyone around you), start to think about things like rules, discipline and "indoor voices." 

I think part of what I find so hard about it is dealing with my own, and other's, expectations.  Both Geno and I grew up in relatively strict houses, where manners and rules were part and parcel of daily life.  We want the same thing for Mateo, but we know that he's not developmentally in a place where he can truly grasp what an "indoor voice" actually is, let alone logic-based rules.  Given all of this, I took it pretty hard recently when a friend told me that I'm not the kind of parent she thought I would be.  I think she thought I would be strict, and I think eventually I will be, but right now, I don't know how to be strict with a 1 year old. 

What I do know, however, is that the author of the following list is a genuine genius:

WHY HAVING A TODDLER IS LIKE BEING AT A FRAT PARTY:

10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.